Blogs are kind of like strange memoirs for people who feel they can not write.

I am going to memoir it up here I have decided.

The name I chose for this blog.... 9 years ago

 Gathering Feathers ~ Scattering Stones....Means something to me spiritually... and live life-ely
 So far, I have written a lot about death and loss, redemption and Rebirth....
Gathering Feathers.... gathering the emotions of hurt left behind and making peace with it, as well as the feathers of those I love who have passed away.
Scattering stones...addressing those issues, creating with stones, loving the things that God put on the Earth.

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My Mother gave birth to me on her Sister's 25th Birthday.
It was a hot August day.
My Mother smoked a carton of Pall Mall Menthol cigarettes during her labor with me.
She told me that my Aunt, My Uncle and my Father were all outside of the window where she spent her labor, my Aunt yelling in to her to hurry it up and birth me because she was going to miss giving her her birthday present. I think my Mother gave birth to me at 11:30 pm. She made it.
I loved my Aunt and my Aunt loved me.
A year after I was born she gave birth to her own little girl... Anne.
We spent so much time together, it was as if we were sisters who didn't live with each other.
We were very close throughout our lives.
Shared the typical joys and heartaches, distanced ourselves from each other, Drawn back to each other, to distance again.... but always had such a tight bond. Our own siblings also had tight bonds with each other...it was very cool that when one of our Mom's was pregnant, the other followed on her heels... so we are matched sets of Cousins basically.... 3 sets for 3 ages.
My Brother lost the other half of his match almost 4 years ago to cancer.
I lost my other half, my Anne this past December. Cancer.
20 days after she passed away my Husband was diagnosed with Stage IV Renal Cancer.

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And so begins a memoir of a very unimportant person.
Me.

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I think that what I will do with this is share a photo of what I created today... and describe what I made to eat.
My Husband is currently very ill with renal cancer... but he is doing well.
I love to cook, but that has taken a back seat because he is not loving to eat right now.
He has lost a lot of weight.
The Dr put him on an appetite stimulant... he takes it sparingly.
The night before last he told me... "Guess what I am craving!" I said... 'what? " He tells me, " I am craving Corned Beef Hash, the kind in a can. I think the name on the can is Hormel"
Well. as soon as he said it... I saw the can label in my mind and went down to the store to buy a can of it.
I heated it up in a pan.
He ate half the can.
Last night, I fried up the other half for him AND he wanted a fried egg on top.
We are making progress.

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And so begins the sharing of Our Journey...
The Caregiver who loves her Husband who is trying to get well.

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I made this Tree Of Life today.
It is Copper Wire sculpted over a little lovely slab of moss agate.
I quite like it.
So does my Husband.
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Words of Life for today;

This is the Day that the Lord has made, Let us rejoice and be glad in it.
Psalm 118:24

To Thine Own Self Be True

That time when you were a kid, and you knew in your heart of hearts that you would meet David Cassidy SOMEDAY.

And, then you did. Over 40 years later. But, you did. 

And, you were just so impressed by the kindness of this man. Because, you knew in your heart that he had been raked over the coals for profit, and you had an idea that he was bought and paid for by a scary media machine.. but that is kind of like a conspiracy theory, right? I mean.... who in your life who loved you would allow you to be used this way! 

And your friends... they kind of laugh at you that you went to see him a SECOND time... that you had seen him years earlier... that should have been enough, right? I mean... HAHA.... David Cassidy. And, all the explaining about how good a show he was doing had no bearing on the conversation you were trying to defend. 

How much he loved his Art.... and he had his Art his Talent... his great influences... the artists who he loved, who loved him as well. John Lennon, BB King.... 

His band... comprised of people who respected his artistic ability, sense... who cared deeply for him, and he for them. Having just listened to the new release "Songs My Father Taught Me" it is so evident the respect these people had for him. The shows I saw of his in these later years translate that family feeling as well. 

A man in his element. 

A man not in his element. Used, controlled, and kept in a cage. Never allowed to express his talent. Later, he performed on his terms but the demons had already done their damage...and they are hard to shake when they appear as the ones who should be looking out for your better interest. 

I am shaken by the A&E Biography presented last night about David Cassidy. Not because I am surprised, but because what he went through as a human being was much more tragic than I had imagined... and what I had imagined was pretty bad. 

The work he had been doing these past 10 - 15 years seem to be a reconciliation of what could have been... and should have served as an acknowledgement of his talent. As fans... we should have honored him... not by telling him we loved him so much, and that we wanted to hear "I Think I Love You".... but by what he was putting out. He was putting out himself. And it was pretty awesome. 

The show I had seen in . 2011 or 2012 was a beginning... it was like seeing him making peace with the previous 40 or so years of his life... he honored the series which made him famous, his co-stars, his step mother, his Father, he dipped his toes into his true musical loves but he did not jump in. He referred much to his Mother, Evelyn Ward... sharing his pain in her illness. He shared his love of Family... his marriage, his son. One thing that bothered me greatly about this show in particular was that there were way too many women of my age and older who were sporting the peacock hair and cat suit like wardrobe of the '70s , like they had never grown up.. still stuck in mullet land.... looking for something. He actually had to be whisked off from this show... and I was stunned that at his age of 61 or 62 that this would have to be something still clinging to him.... it was scary and highly disturbing. 

2016, it was as if he had found his groove in being honest with himself out there on stage... he shared about his inspirations, his friendships... the show delved into his history of life. His musical history. His talent was exposed, and it was wonderful! 

I kept wondering later on... what event happened in his life from June of 2016 to February 2017 to have caused this hard slide back into the slime of regret and hurt. We will never know, and it is not for us to know. But, there is something to be learned here. Honor, those you love. That means honoring their life. Build them up, don't break them down. Love them unconditionally. Pray for them. Be kind. Always. Be kind. Pray. Seek God and Pray.

Maybe I am so bothered because I grew up hard. My father was hard... he was not a builder up, he was a destroyer... and I loved him. I loved him so very much, because when he was not destroying he was a pretty cool guy. every body loved my Father. In my own life, I reacted early on to others by repeating that destruction.... but quickly learned that hurting others was not a vehicle I wanted to use to make myself feel better. Because it didn't. 

I spoke for awhile with my eldest daughter today on the phone. We spoke about generational sin, what that means... what it is when we repeat the sins of our fathers... or mothers.. exactly that. Not some hokus pocus bestowed on us by God... but sin we have chosen to transgress in to our psyche... and having an excuse for it. How many generations it can go before someone in that line says... "STOP"!!!!

 David Cassidy... the last year of his life reminds me of a culmination of what happens when we do not let it go.... let it eat us. How many times... do we step out of our wheel but find ourselves thrown back into it? Today, I want to encourage you to step out. Break the cycle. Break the sin. It is what is required of us. No matter who we are. 

I am going to miss this guy. 

Rest In Peace David.

Thank you. 

These photos were taken by me at a David Cassidy concert in June of 2016. As far as I was aware, there were no copyright advisories, warnings... etc.