I cried tonight.
Just a little bit.
I still.... can't believe what is happening here.
Even though I do.
But... the trajectory of this whole... scenario....
My life. My Husbands Life.
And... I doubt myself...
My intentions... my SELF... My Every THING.
A little ptsd... and I truly hate to think of these feelings this way but so many ways I feel brings me back 20 years.,
Uncertain.
Unloved.
I feel like my husband is just going to wake up through his pain and say... NO! YOU are not who I wanted to have with me the rest of my life!
While I beg for his life.
And accept this may be his end of life.
And prepare.
And prepare.
Prepare for Death.
Prepare for Life.
And feel....
there IS life.
He HAS Life.
I have Life.
We are Life.
God help us through this Life.
However long.
However Short.
Help me sort out this funny brain of mine....
Help me be ME... In YOU.
Help me Lord, Please.
Help me to help him.
Help me to be a good Wife.
Please.