Into The Fire

 Sometimes. All it takes, is a word a gesture, a look to bring you round robin to where you know you should be headed. Ask, and you shall receive. I asked. I received. I was shocked, but a clearer answer could not have been stated. Thanks be to God.

My Mother

Judith Ann Connor, 70 passed away on Monday, June 4^th in Cumming, Georgia at the Chestnut Ridge Nursing & Rehabilitation Center from her battle with cancer.

Judith was born October 20^th, 1941 in Newburgh, New York to the late George Hershel Lozier and Ann Rhome Lozier. She was a 1959 graduate of Newburgh Free Academy. She was employed at West Point Visitors’ Center in Highland Falls, N.Y. She was a colorist of antique etchings for many years. She was also a Boy Scout Den Mother in her younger years.

Judith loved horses. For a time in her life weekends were filled with her youngest daughter competing in horse shows with the family mare, Brandy. In her later years she enjoyed creating adorable teddy bears for her Grand Children and Grand Nieces and Nephews. She had a great sense of humor, and will be lovingly remembered by many for it and for her unique personality.

Judith was preceded in death by her sister, MaryJane Garitta in 1996 and her husband, Charles John Connor in 2011.

She is survived by her children, daughter Elizabeth Post Johnson and her husband Alan  of Port Ewen, N.Y. , son Tracy Connor of Cumming, Ga and daughter, MaryJane Collins and husband Allan of Angier, NC. She is also survived by 5 grandchildren: Danielle Connor, Liz Johnson, Rebecca Johnson, Sara Collins and Shane Collins. One great grandchild: Genevieve Cozza.

A Memorial service will be held on June the 30^th , 10 AM  at St Remy Reformed Church with Pastor David Brechter.

In lieu of flowers, memorials may be made to Halcyon Hospice Foundation of Cumming, Ga at www.chcmg.com

Or the American Heart Association  at www.heart.org

Loss

     In January I reported here that my Mother was diagnosed with Terminal lung cancer.  My Mother died last night at 10:26 pm. The above picture is she at the tender age of maybe 6 months being held by her sister. My Mother's sister died in 1996 from the same type of cancer.  When my Aunt died my Mother was never the same afterward.
     Last night, I was on Facebook after having talked to my Brother who has been by our Mother's side throughout this whole terrible ordeal. He told me that it was apparent that her kidneys were shutting down. He thought she would probably pass away in the early morning hours of today. She was having hourly doses of morphine by mouth (her veins were not being cooperative for an IV) because she was in a lot of pain. She was having difficulty taking breaths as well. 
     After my Brother told me about this, I prayed. I thought about my Mother, and her Sister.  I thought about this picture. I pulled up it's scanned likeness on my computer, and I prayed. I asked God to let my Mom's Sister pull my Mom toward her to bring her to Heaven. As I prayed and cried, I posted this picture to my Facebook as my profile at 10 pm. My Mother passed away 26 minutes later.
     Talking to my Sister today, I told her this little story. She shared that she too had been holding a picture of our Mother and our Aunt, and prayed the same thing. At 10 pm. I told her that maybe it wasn't us asking then, maybe it was our Aunt telling us that she was coming to get her baby sister.
     Right now, we are trying to make arrangements for a memorial service for our Mom. Brother is in GA, Sister in NC, me here in the Hudson Valley, NY where we all grew up. My Brother is taking care of the paperwork,and other things there (oh, it is just such a pain!) and keeping his sanity. My Sister is writing an obituary to keep hers. I am writing this. I will share more about our Mother in future writings. She has had an incredibly difficult and tragic life. One of my friends called her a great woman today,and she is right. Through the grief and unfairness my Mother endured in life, her countenance was (for the most part) cheerful and steadfast. My nephew stated today that she was strong and happy. That is true as well.
     I am praying for arrangements and family matters to go smoothly. I am praying for direction. I am thanking God for my Mother and my family. Sorting through emotions is going to be difficult, I am praying about that as well.
     OK. Tomorrow is another day. How about that glass of wine.

Assumptions

Do we make a mistake to assume that everyone else around us do not appreciate the blessings in life? Certainly we are a society that moves fast, in everything but I think perhaps it is wrong to feel that when we are blessed by something it is up to us to correct the masses and see just what they have been missing, assuming that they are too self centered to see.

She wore blue satin.....

This little angel is 52 years old. I believe that makes her a homemade antique. My Grandmother made her. My parents first Christmas together, my Mother lamented that she had no angel for the tree. Grandma took a wrapping paper tube, pretty blue fabric, a styrofoam ball, sequins, and sparkly rick rack. She whipped her up and glued some doll hair to her head. Back in the day, for my Family anyway, it was customary for the Christmas Tree to appear on Christmas Morning which meant that the couple, or parents put up the Tree on Christmas Eve. After I was born, this was how it was for maybe 5 years. Santa brought the Tree. My Mother's need for the Angel would have arrived on Christmas Eve, 1959. The Angel remained as our Family tree topper for all of the years of my childhood, and teenage-dom. For me, she is a symbol of young love (my Mother was 18 years old when she married) and naivety . I like to remember and think of my parents together during this time. He had not yet scared the hell out of her, and she did not yet feel trapped by circumstance, ignorance and children. This little Angel, she has see a lot of happiness and grief during her 52 years. There are a string of years where, if she wondered, her thought would have been, "why have I been forgotten?" a thought I can relate to along with my Mother, Brother and Sister. I love this Angel. She is a symbol of my life and Family and probably the only item I would choose to have cremated with me. I begin this new year of 2012 with much reflection and will continue these thoughts here. My Mother was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer 2 weeks before Christmas 2011. There are many things I wish I could change for her, for the better in her history. Many ways I wish our stories had been different... but then..we would not be who we are today without our stories as they are. For better, for worse, it is what it is.