Wanting to keep healthy for that Vivie.

    When this picture was taken in 2009 I had just turned 49 years old, was still smoking and my Grand Daughter, Vivie was 6 months old. My goal at this time was to quit smoking.
    4 years later ~ I quit smoking in March, 2011. It took a long time for my lungs to feel better, I would say at least (progressively) 2 years. This year I am not feeling the weight on my chest. I really felt like I had turned a page this past New Year with the difficulty breathing at times. My lungs are good,and the bronchial (which has always been my weak source) seem a lot better.
    Last September I joined a local Planet Fitness. It had got me in the habit of GOING to the gym. But seriously there is only so much you can do there... and I never feel as if I am pushing myself in the RIGHT ways. I have a lot of weight to lose, and if I lost 80 to 100 pounds that would be perfect.
I show my jewelry in a local spot here. It is a wonderful art complex, Cornell Street Studios. Not only is there art, jewelry, crafts, clothing, etc....but....there are exercise classes. And, they are wonderful!
Last year I took a Zumba class but was finding it was a bit too much for me,and when I pulled a muscle in my calf I was embarrassed and did not go back. After the gym membership and more walking I went back to classes recently, the first class I went back to was Zumba-ish and is called Zumba Toning. It was a really great class. Then I took a 25 minute Workout on the Go in March for 6 weeks. This June, I signed up for Workout on the Go, Pilates, and a Butt and Gut workout.
    Through the Pilates,and Butt and Gut (which a a beautiful flow of kickboxing, tai chi, pilates, and yoga) I have discovered that my feet and legs are a mess. I did not think they were actually even though I have quite the frustrating bunion that has formed on my right big toe....and one just beginning on the left.
    I have a lot of work to do. Last night I attended a little seminar about weight loss. A Dr was there who showed a graph of how people CHOOSE to age. The graph showed on average a decline from age 40, sloping down into the 70's (if you got that far) basically a slow process of dying rather than the preferred "live it well, into the '70's and beyond healthy and die 2 weeks after your body gets ready to naturally" that was a pretty powerful inspiration since it is exactly what I saw my Mother do and she died last year 4 months shy of her 71st birthday.
    So, even though I have been working up to it for 2 years... today is a NEW day. I have taken my measurements, I have not weighed myself because I do not have a scale...(last scale was terribly off...in my favor actually, but why lie to yourself? It went to the dump recently and I am saving for a good scale...or will just use the gym one) One of my downfalls has been enjoying a COCKTAIL 3-4 times during the week, and one always turns into 2. My goal is to switch the cocktail to wine, and reduce the frequency to 1-2 times a week.
     A whey protein smoothie for breakfast (NO SOY), and either that for lunch or a nicely balanced Mediterranean lunch, as well as dinner. WATER. (coffee...because I just cant give that up. It is too good. the darker the better)
     LOTS of foot exercises. For sure. I really do not want bunion surgery.
That's it. For Now.
    And as always you are welcome along here for the ride with me. I write these things for myself, but you never know when others may be interested.
    Have a great day!
         ~Beth

Into The Fire

 Sometimes. All it takes, is a word a gesture, a look to bring you round robin to where you know you should be headed. Ask, and you shall receive. I asked. I received. I was shocked, but a clearer answer could not have been stated. Thanks be to God.

My Mother

Judith Ann Connor, 70 passed away on Monday, June 4^th in Cumming, Georgia at the Chestnut Ridge Nursing & Rehabilitation Center from her battle with cancer.

Judith was born October 20^th, 1941 in Newburgh, New York to the late George Hershel Lozier and Ann Rhome Lozier. She was a 1959 graduate of Newburgh Free Academy. She was employed at West Point Visitors’ Center in Highland Falls, N.Y. She was a colorist of antique etchings for many years. She was also a Boy Scout Den Mother in her younger years.

Judith loved horses. For a time in her life weekends were filled with her youngest daughter competing in horse shows with the family mare, Brandy. In her later years she enjoyed creating adorable teddy bears for her Grand Children and Grand Nieces and Nephews. She had a great sense of humor, and will be lovingly remembered by many for it and for her unique personality.

Judith was preceded in death by her sister, MaryJane Garitta in 1996 and her husband, Charles John Connor in 2011.

She is survived by her children, daughter Elizabeth Post Johnson and her husband Alan  of Port Ewen, N.Y. , son Tracy Connor of Cumming, Ga and daughter, MaryJane Collins and husband Allan of Angier, NC. She is also survived by 5 grandchildren: Danielle Connor, Liz Johnson, Rebecca Johnson, Sara Collins and Shane Collins. One great grandchild: Genevieve Cozza.

A Memorial service will be held on June the 30^th , 10 AM  at St Remy Reformed Church with Pastor David Brechter.

In lieu of flowers, memorials may be made to Halcyon Hospice Foundation of Cumming, Ga at www.chcmg.com

Or the American Heart Association  at www.heart.org

Loss

     In January I reported here that my Mother was diagnosed with Terminal lung cancer.  My Mother died last night at 10:26 pm. The above picture is she at the tender age of maybe 6 months being held by her sister. My Mother's sister died in 1996 from the same type of cancer.  When my Aunt died my Mother was never the same afterward.
     Last night, I was on Facebook after having talked to my Brother who has been by our Mother's side throughout this whole terrible ordeal. He told me that it was apparent that her kidneys were shutting down. He thought she would probably pass away in the early morning hours of today. She was having hourly doses of morphine by mouth (her veins were not being cooperative for an IV) because she was in a lot of pain. She was having difficulty taking breaths as well. 
     After my Brother told me about this, I prayed. I thought about my Mother, and her Sister.  I thought about this picture. I pulled up it's scanned likeness on my computer, and I prayed. I asked God to let my Mom's Sister pull my Mom toward her to bring her to Heaven. As I prayed and cried, I posted this picture to my Facebook as my profile at 10 pm. My Mother passed away 26 minutes later.
     Talking to my Sister today, I told her this little story. She shared that she too had been holding a picture of our Mother and our Aunt, and prayed the same thing. At 10 pm. I told her that maybe it wasn't us asking then, maybe it was our Aunt telling us that she was coming to get her baby sister.
     Right now, we are trying to make arrangements for a memorial service for our Mom. Brother is in GA, Sister in NC, me here in the Hudson Valley, NY where we all grew up. My Brother is taking care of the paperwork,and other things there (oh, it is just such a pain!) and keeping his sanity. My Sister is writing an obituary to keep hers. I am writing this. I will share more about our Mother in future writings. She has had an incredibly difficult and tragic life. One of my friends called her a great woman today,and she is right. Through the grief and unfairness my Mother endured in life, her countenance was (for the most part) cheerful and steadfast. My nephew stated today that she was strong and happy. That is true as well.
     I am praying for arrangements and family matters to go smoothly. I am praying for direction. I am thanking God for my Mother and my family. Sorting through emotions is going to be difficult, I am praying about that as well.
     OK. Tomorrow is another day. How about that glass of wine.

Assumptions

Do we make a mistake to assume that everyone else around us do not appreciate the blessings in life? Certainly we are a society that moves fast, in everything but I think perhaps it is wrong to feel that when we are blessed by something it is up to us to correct the masses and see just what they have been missing, assuming that they are too self centered to see.

She wore blue satin.....

This little angel is 52 years old. I believe that makes her a homemade antique. My Grandmother made her. My parents first Christmas together, my Mother lamented that she had no angel for the tree. Grandma took a wrapping paper tube, pretty blue fabric, a styrofoam ball, sequins, and sparkly rick rack. She whipped her up and glued some doll hair to her head. Back in the day, for my Family anyway, it was customary for the Christmas Tree to appear on Christmas Morning which meant that the couple, or parents put up the Tree on Christmas Eve. After I was born, this was how it was for maybe 5 years. Santa brought the Tree. My Mother's need for the Angel would have arrived on Christmas Eve, 1959. The Angel remained as our Family tree topper for all of the years of my childhood, and teenage-dom. For me, she is a symbol of young love (my Mother was 18 years old when she married) and naivety . I like to remember and think of my parents together during this time. He had not yet scared the hell out of her, and she did not yet feel trapped by circumstance, ignorance and children. This little Angel, she has see a lot of happiness and grief during her 52 years. There are a string of years where, if she wondered, her thought would have been, "why have I been forgotten?" a thought I can relate to along with my Mother, Brother and Sister. I love this Angel. She is a symbol of my life and Family and probably the only item I would choose to have cremated with me. I begin this new year of 2012 with much reflection and will continue these thoughts here. My Mother was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer 2 weeks before Christmas 2011. There are many things I wish I could change for her, for the better in her history. Many ways I wish our stories had been different... but then..we would not be who we are today without our stories as they are. For better, for worse, it is what it is.

Is there a light at the end of the road?

Tunnel, Road, doesn't matter. I took this picture this week while we were on vacation in Brewster, MA. To the left of this road is the house that we stay in, which is Grandma's House (my Husband's Grandmother who passed away in 2004) . One of my favorite scene's is this one, and it happens at a certain time of day in the late afternoon and lasts only for about an hour or less every day as long as the sun is indeed out.
Cape Cod was certainly full of Sun in abundance during our stay this year. It was a beautiful time and we enjoyed our stay although I became sick halfway into it and returned a day earlier than planned so that I could get a Dr visit in on my Birthday, which is today. To be quite honest, I feel terrible today. I have strep throat, a fever, rashes, all kinds of fun things that were making me wonder just what the heck is going on. Unfortunately for me, they all just decided to occur at the same time. As my Dr. said, One Stop Shopping. So! Loaded down with lots of prescriptions I came home, took my meds and went to bed. Sometimes in Life, you just feel like everything is going against you. Key, word, Feels (and like) because just sometimes stuff happens in a long string. I am forcing myself to make the time to see the light at the end of the road...even if it is fleeting.
I do not want to discuss my string of negativity. I thought I did a few weeks ago, but some issues are better left to be private ones.
Now I am healing, my meds are working and my Hubby and my Daughter are making special plans for today to be very nice for me. I am blessed with lots of Love and goodness. Thanks be to God.